There are certain gifts you just can’t ever give to your girlfriend (or your wife, for that matter). In fact, some gifts can cause you to reap such a whirlwind of wrath that you are often better off forgetting to get her a gift – that’s right, forgetting her on an occasion is preferable! You know they have to be bad if that’s the case. Below are just ten examples of the worst possible gifts you could get for your significant other, but this list is hardly complete. Remember: use your best judgment, and then ask for permission.
10. Diet Book
Nothing says, “I’d like to be in trouble please,” like getting a diet book for your girlfriend. Even if she is currently following that diet or has expressed interest in the diet, even if she owns a hundred different volumes on said diet, this is a terrible idea. There is only one conclusion that she will draw from this gift, and it is not, “Oh, he sees what interests me,” or “Oh, he cares about my weight.” No, it is, “He thinks I’m fat!” You do not think she is fat. Enjoy telling her this for months if not years to come.
9. Advice Book
On the topic of books, avoid advice books as well. Regardless of what it gives advice on, this will only add to her insecurity. If you haven’t seen her insecure, you certainly don’t want to start now!
8. Hair Dye
Is she going gray? Is she practically white-headed? Do you hate the color of her hair? Even if you buy the same product she herself uses, this will also only serve to make her insecure. Are you starting to sense a theme here? Never get your girlfriend gifts that will add to her insecurities regarding her appearance or personality.
7. Vacuum Cleaner
Any gift that screams, “Housework!” isn’t really a gift at all. Gifts should be things the recipient can enjoy, things that will bring them pleasure and joy for years to come, or at least something they can enjoy immediately. A vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, brings up all kinds of baggage about the patriarchy, gender roles, and the suggestion that she can’t keep a clean house. Now we’re back to insecurity, and you’re back in the dog house.
6. Cooking Supplies
This is pretty much the same as a vacuum, but instead of saying, “Clean the house!” it says, “Get back in the kitchen!” Either way, you’re sending the wrong message, and it’s one she will receive loud and clear. What you receive will probably be the same.
5. Gym Membership
This is a far more intense version of #10. Getting her a gym membership is like saying her weight is an emergency situation, and that she needs to do something about it immediately. Include a personal trainer and you’re just begging for a fight.
4. Stripper Pole
There are so many things wrong with this we don’t even know where to start. There’s the exercise angle, of course – yet again, you’re saying they need to exercise. That is, of course, if they’re into stripping-as-exercise. On the other hand, there’s the sex object angle, and that probably isn’t her idea of a great gift. Get her something that she’ll love, not something that you’ll love. Same goes for lingerie, fellas.
3. Cash
The only thing worse than a check is cash. There’s no heart, no thought, no love in a cash gift. Avoid it at all costs and instead go with something that speaks to the connection between the two of you.
2. Personal Hygiene Supplies
Not only is this lame, but there isn’t a person on this planet who won’t get the same message: “You stink,” “You’re dirty,” and “You need to clean yourself up.” You wouldn’t be dating her if any of this were true, so why send this message? Even if she complains about the cost of this stuff or could always use more, let her buy it.
1. Anything Practical or Sensible
A gift certificate for glasses, a class on CPR, a new set of tires for her car, a life insurance policy… all of these and many more are terrible ideas. These kinds of gifts are decent throughout most of the year as “I was thinking of you, here!” type gifts, but when there is a special occasion afoot, you’re best off going with a gift that is impractical, over-the-top, and meaningful.